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514: Pain Isn’t Trauma, and Enabling Isn’t Love. Dr. Les Parrott on What Trauma Actually Is, How to Stop Overthinking, Helping vs. Enabling, Empathy vs. Sympathy, and Why You Need Stronger Shoulders, Not a Lighter Load

Podcast · October 7, 2026

It’s two in the morning, and you’re still replaying the conversation, rewriting what you should have said and bracing for what they think of you now, until the story in your head feels more real than what actually happened. You’ve called it anxiety, maybe even trauma, and part of you just wants someone to lift the weight off. But what if part of the answer isn’t a lighter load? What if it’s stronger shoulders? Dr. Les Parrott joins me for a conversation that refuses the comfort of our cultural vocabulary.

As a clinical psychologist, Les insists that pain isn’t the same thing as trauma, and that the difference lies in what an experience has done to your capacity to feel safe and function, not in how much it hurt. From there we press into love itself, because rescuing people from the consequences of their choices can feel like compassion while keeping them small. Paul held that tension in Galatians 6:2 (ESV), “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,” and, three verses later, “For each will have to bear his own load.” We also cover overthinking and the cost of empathy.

If you want permission to stay comfortable, this isn’t that conversation. It will ask you to stop obeying thoughts that were only meant to inform you, to stop carrying people who were meant to walk, and to stop calling your avoidance resilience. Maturity is forged past the edge of what feels safe, so let’s take the step the Holy Spirit is already asking of us.

About Dr. Les Parrott

Dr. Les Parrott is a clinical psychologist and, with his wife, Dr. Leslie Parrott, a #1 New York Times bestselling author and cofounder of the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. He created the Save Your Marriage Before It Starts (SYMBIS) Assessment, a premarital tool used by counselors around the world, and has given his career to helping people build healthy relationships. His newest book with Leslie, The One Year Positive Mental Health Devotional (Tyndale, October 2026), pairs biblical truth with psychological insight for anyone who has ever been kept awake by an anxious mind.

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Resources Mentioned This Week

  • The One Year Positive Mental Health Devotional: 365 Days of Going from Struggle to Strength
  • Healing What You Can’t Erase: Transform Your Mental, Emotional, and Spiritual Health from the Inside Out

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Previous Post: « 513: The Image You Curate Is the Reason You’re So Lonely. Ian Simkins on the Difference Between Being Seen and Being Known, Performative vs. Righteous Vulnerability, Why Our Platforms May Be Discipling Us Into Loneliness, and How Every Table Becomes an Altar

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The Latest Content

  • 514: Pain Isn’t Trauma, and Enabling Isn’t Love. Dr. Les Parrott on What Trauma Actually Is, How to Stop Overthinking, Helping vs. Enabling, Empathy vs. Sympathy, and Why You Need Stronger Shoulders, Not a Lighter Load
  • 513: The Image You Curate Is the Reason You’re So Lonely. Ian Simkins on the Difference Between Being Seen and Being Known, Performative vs. Righteous Vulnerability, Why Our Platforms May Be Discipling Us Into Loneliness, and How Every Table Becomes an Altar
  • 512: What People Call Peace is Just Avoidance and Immaturity. Jonathan Eckert on the Happiness Crisis, Why Comfort Quietly Deforms Us, Joy as the Fuel for Struggling Well, the Cost of Frictionless Living, and the One Hard Thing to Run Toward Today
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